Thursday 7 February 2013

Bullying

I'm gonna go a little deep in this post so you'll have to bare with me.

I want to write about something thats close to me, bullying. When it comes to this, in school I got off easy I guess, I still had friends and never physically got abused or mentally during primary or secondary  but I was picked on,. In primary school I would have people run from me and in secondary people called me names, (we're not gonna get into what names I was called, but it was bad enough and yes, it did hurt me.)

When I got a little older, I started 'hanging out' with friends and this idiots who decided it would be fun to pick on me ... I got fly kicked, things thrown at me, and called names but you know what? I over came it because I realised that I was better then these people and I always would be! These kids grew up with parents who would drink all the time, walk around like they were better then everyone and it rubbed off on their kids who are now still ... at the age of 23, hanging on the streets not doing anything with their life, where as me? I went to collage, I went to Uni and I got a job before my graduation and In a few months I'm taking a online course to further my knowledge and hopefully be able to work for myself.

My point is, people can cut you down, call you names, do what ever they want to do but it's because you're different, different in the sense of being smarter then them, better spoken then them, more determined to succeed, or even stupid reasons like listening to different music then people or wearing the 'wrong shoes', but who are these people to tell you you're wrong? People have their own way of living, their own way of doing things and their own way of dressing, I don't get people who sit there and say your wrong by trying to cut you down, making you fell as small as they possibly can.

Now, from my previous blog, I can imagine a few of you calling me a hypocrite and you know what? You're properly right, I say what I see and if I don't like it, I will tell you but I will NOT cut you down, and I will NEVER make you feel worthless because the truth is, I know how it feels! I know what it feels like to sit there and have people talk down to you, make you feel like you're nothing but you need to overcome this! People will tell you their jealous or whatever, and when these people are adults and you're being bullied at adult stage, said people are properly right but as kids? No, no these people are wrong. Bottom line, kids are cruel, they will pick on someone just because of one tiny little thing, one tiny difference! For me it was because I was a little bigger then most kids, a little taller and a little better spoken. I wasn't what you would call smart, I was averaging C's, that was primary school days, secondary school, I have no idea why this one girl had it out for me, I got off lightly as I had amazing friends there but when we were with freak show (the idiots we hung out with)thats when it all began, the fly kicking, the being thrown things at and the extra name calling).

I still see these people as I'm saving up to move country so still live in the same place but as I mentioned before none of them work! 1 might but thats it! They still hang out on the streets and do nothing! Both of the groups I hung out with! The boys are nothing, they know I'm better then them in every way and when I walk past them I still get called the name they used to call me but you know the funniest thing? When I'm walking past them in heals and all dressed up for a night out, they wolf whistle at me and call me sexy and darling! I'm like WTF is going on?! I ignore them, I'm better then them!

"Your past shapes your future"


I belive in this! Those people who decided it would be fun to be incredibly horrible to me back then has made into this person today, a very determined female, (who may be a little judgy at times) but NEVER horrible to people. I stick up for myself and I know what I want in life.






Love is louder 
          Then the pressure to be perfect.

The best campaign, with it's leader Brittany Snow, (Last picture), this campaign is to remind people that you know what? You're not alone! There are people out there who are going through the same troubles as you, or people who have been through the same problems, but they over came it, they showed these people that they were better then them, always have been always will be

At the moment this is all I have in this bit of my blog because I need some contributors, I need your stories, lets get it out that people are not alone, that you can over come their crap! No matter what anyone says, no matter what anyone does, just please, remember that you will always be better. Rise above them, rise above their crap, be the best that you can be and NEVER let anyone bring you down.


If you want to contribute please email me at

HARVEY.NICOLA@YMAIL.COM


Tuesday 5 February 2013

Things that annoy me ... PT 1



The truth is, there are A LOT of things that annoy me so this post could be going on for a while, if that is the case I will have to do a part one and two ... and maybe three but lets just get this part over and done with.

So I think the first thing that HAS to be on here are 'fake celebrities . Now I hear you say, 'what do you mean 'fake celebrities?'', I'm talking about these people from Big Brother, TOWIE, MIC, rejects from The X Factor people from shows who take nobodies, just like myself and place them on TV, and why? For our entertainment.









With the exception of Davina Mccall, (who by the way annoys me, but that's for another day), these shows and these people just go around acting like 'Oh look at me I'm famous and I work hard and blah blah blah!', well you know what I say to that? HELL NO! Ok, so lets take Big Brother to start with as it's the first picture up there, (see where I'm going with this?). So what is Big brother about? You take 12 people, I think it's 12 I don't watch the show because I have a life.

So you go for this audition, and they pretty much pick the people who would be the most entertaining in the house, common knowledge right? sure, thats fine, but this people are not entertaining ... they're idiots, and I mean down right idiots! Lets take Nikki for instance, now as I said before, I don't watch this show, but I remember her because of her face, it was so liney and she was so moany, she moaned at everything! Holy Crap, the worst thing was, she didn't even win but she became famous, she even had her own Tv show:


How is that famous? So in this show she got she would have to go around and do all this jobs she wouldn't dream of doing because you know, she's such a 'princess', (someone pass the gag bucket), I remember watching one episode, I got about 5 minutes in, if that and thought screw this shit! She had to work in a chippie and she moaned at EVERYTHING 'omg it's so greasy' 'omg what is this' 'omg I'm too good for this', ok I just threw the last one in but you get the point, she's a waste of space and time.

There is also Brain Downing, (is that even his name?), The gay guy who won one year, he got put into all these presenting gigs, why? Dude if you weren't in this damn show you would have got nowhere! Then there's Brian ... Damn forgot his name! The black guy who is sooooo dumb, oh wow it's not even funny!

I just personally do not get this show, so you throw a bunch of losers in a house and  give them tasks here and there and just watch them for weeks on end, DUDE! They even have night time cam, it's on ALL day, no one is THAT interesting. No who ever has watched this, I need you to answer me on thing, 'Do you feel like you've wasted your time?'

Now I won't lie to you, I people watch like no ones business, but I go outside and I have fun, I have a life. I'm now gonna move onto TOWIE because I could really be here writing about Big Brother for the whole thing.

I just have one last note to leave you with though! - CHANNEL 5! I used to love you what with showing CSI, OUAT and other awesome shows but now you suck because I thought that BB had gone from our screens forever and then BOOM! You go and buy the rights! Well thank you VERY much.


TOWIE. Oh wow where do I even start? Lets just start by saying this: I have NEVER seen anything so pointless and dumb on TV in my whole entire life, these people on here are why everyone thinks Essex is just plain stupid and all they care about is being fake and absolutly uneducated.

I just wanna show you this video, It's got Joey Essex in it, now I have yet to watch it but I have heard what it entails. Go on, have a look:


There are no words for him at all, and please don't get me started on the rest of them! Ok so what, someone decides to make a show about people in Essex? Like a mockumentry? Ok great that's fine. My question however, is 'Why the hell did you need to pick the retards from Essex?' I don't understand it, I can't watch 2 minutes of this show without feeling embarrassed for them and having to turn off the TV, and now they walk around giving US fashion advice, (love you look like someone bitch slapped you with a crayola and a can of orange tango). Where do they get off? 'Oh well we're famous and we did this and we had to over come hardship and...' BLAH BLAH BLAH! Dude no one cares, you didn't do shit to make it where you are today, some casting director thought you were pretty, threw you into a stupid show that only idiots and uneducated people find good and from that you had shit loads of help to build up your empire of badly dressed umpa lumpers.

I remember once, I was in this club, (I wont say which one) but two people from TOWIE was there, Sam, (I only know it was her because a friend got 'star stuck' and I had to take a damn picture of them, needless to say I gave her evils the whole time), and the blonde kid who's 17 (well was at the time), and because of this 'status' that kid had, the bouncer let him into the club, now from what I remember it's illegal to let anyone in a club who's under the age of 18. It's idiotic and not fair, they're as thick as shit and they get special treatment because of this ... HELL NO!

Lets now move on to MIC, the educated virson of TOWIE ... not the people who watch it but the people in it! These people annoy me as well, they COME from money and yet they still walk around like they've come from nothing! I'm not sure but from what a friend told me, a few of the worked in PR or fashion and had quite good jobs .. good for them but you can sure as well be certain they didn't get it of their own backs! Mummy and/or daddy got them the role.

Unfortunately I don't have much to say about MIC only that once again they got picked from no where and are now famous! I don't get how this works, someone please explain to me.

Another 'fake celebratie' programme ... The X factor! The worst of them all!


'Nuff said! They take a show that's meant to showcase talent but instead, keep idiots on, people who make an impression! They don't have to really be good, they just have to have 'stage presence , although I'm sure the idiots have forgotten what this word means, and they have to 'bring' something to the show, which because most of this idiots, (like Jedward) are soooooo cringy, they got down to the bottom! -Insert shock face here-.

The truth is, you can't manufacture people, it doesn't work! Even the people at the X factor don't! I know for a fact, (because I have inside knowledge) that the researchers for the show go around to gigs and music shows and what not and ASK these musicians to come and audition  although in this case audition is a very strong word, because they don't, they get put straight in front of the judges and they know they're getting through. the whole thing is a waste of time, my time, bill payers time, and a time where on a Saturday night, the channel could use that time to put something fabulous on! Like a new film or a family film (as lets me honest, the group this show is intended for are all out getting pissed on a Saturday!)

T.V - Behave yourself. Come on! 2013 - New year, new start?! -She says hoping desperately-



Wanna know what else annoys me? FAKE TANS! Now I'm not talking about the sunbed tans, dude you wanna give yourself cancer, be my guest. No, I'm talking about the full on liquid, comes in a bottle, looks like shit when applied tans! Now I don't know how much of a rant I can go into this because a few of my friends are guilty parties, but the thing is they don't need it! You live in London! People expect you to look white, where did this fake liquid tan come from anyways? To have a tan means you've been on holiday, you look relaxed and rejuvenated  not that you've just rolled around a farm! Also it comes off on EVERYTHING! I wore a pair of white shorts ages ago on a night out, my friends all 'tanned' up, I came home and my shorts were brown! It look like I had shit everywhere! Not a good look!

I understand that in the winter it's cold and everyone looks pale but thats the point! EVERYONE looks pale, it's not just you, I have a friend (no names mentioned), who wears skin tights in the summer, no forgive me but skin tights just blend in with your skin right? Just to add a little bit of warmth? She wears them because she thinks she's too pale! EMBRACE your whiteness! Embrace the fact you're British. I know it's hard becuase this country is not good at all, but we're known for not having good weather, we're known for being white! So I say, in this instance, embrace your stereo type!

I feel this is enough at the moment! There are plenty of things that annoy me but I feel I'll give you fabulous readers a rest for the time being! Look out for part 2 coming soon! =D


Tuesday 29 January 2013

The Bad Guy

As my friends and I sat in my living room watching Season 8 Episode 1 of Criminal minds, 'The Silencer', I came to a conclusion; I always feel sorry for the bad guy. Just because he may go around killing hundreds of people doesn't mean he's a bad guy, you have to look into their back story.


Take this guy for instance, he was the main target in last nights episode, (Spoiler alert). At the start of the programme we see this John Doe, (as he's known during the whole show), shaking and being handcuffed to a bed, and his head being put in the red thing, (please excuse me, I have no idea what it's called.) Now obviously your first thought is, 'yep, thats the bad dude', and you would be right.

I'm not gonna go into the whole episode but bottom line he escapes while he's being transported to the hospital, the Ambulance crashes because a dear jumps into the road forcing the Ambulance off road and crashing into a tree, the driver now has a big tree trunk through his chest and the paramedic in the back is dead, (see what happens when you don't wear seat belts!), the only one alive is the officer who's travelling with him.

Now, I hear what you're saying, 'OMG get to the killing part and why do you feel sorry for the bad guy?!' well to those people, I say Shh! I'm getting there! This officer is the reason the FBI BAU know the 'silencer' has escaped, when the team finally do find the Ambulance, they find the officer sitting there with his mouth sown up. I know! Disgusting right!? During the examination of this officer, the BAU find out that the officer was still alive while being sown up, but he was unconscious because John Doe had already made his that way.

Now down to my main point! As a child our John Doe was deaf, he's mother would yell and him and John would frantically sign to her but she'd just push his hands away and continue yelling. Having a deaf child isn't easy, so when the mother found out about this new hearing aid procedure that they would be testing on humans not animals, and she could get it free of charge, she jumped at the chance, (The mum was serious trailer trash). They were to implant a hearing aid directly to his brain.

There was a problem ... although the procedure worked and John could start to hear things, the implant was faulty, and every time a loud noise happened it would magnify X10 and he would hear a buzzing noise, he never spoke, and he's mum would still yell at him causing him to place his hand over his ear trying to silence out the noise.

The poor man, although he would sow the lips of his victims together, just wanted silence, he wanted the buzzing to stop, for the world to remain quiet so it didn't hurt him any more, the poor man was in pain. In the end when the BAU finally caught up to him, he was about to sow someone else mouth shut killing him, Alex Blake, (the new Agent, we don't like her), told him that he had to go back inside, but he didn't want to, he told her he wasn't going back in there, telling him he had no other choice, he took a gun to his head and killed himself, ending his pain. The man wanted silence, and peace and in the end ... he did.



Regina Mills, A.K.A, The Evil Queen, from Once upon a Time. This is a character I will always route for ... Well now anyway. We all know the original story of Snow White right? Snow White's a princess who lives with her father in a castle, he gets married to this woman, dad died leaving the evil queen as her stepmother, the step mother wants her dead because according to the mirror, Snow White is the fairest of them all and this is unacceptable to the Evil Queen.

Now, I don't know about you, but this is a little far fetched, just because someone is prettier then you doesn't mean you should kill them! Hell, if that happened in real life, we'd have no life because everyone would be dead, weither you admit it or not, you're all jealous of someone.

In this version of Snow White, Regina is pretty much forced into marrying Snow's father by her mother, Cora, (I'm still unaware of her character but she is just pure evil, so I don't route for her, no matter how cool she is). Regina was in love with a man called Daniel, a stable boy, but her mother would never approve, Cora is all about power and status. Regina had save little Snow one day when Snow's horse went out of control and because of this Snow's father wanted to marry Regina, to have that mother figure for Snow but Regina was having none of it.

The day before the wedding, little Snow had asked Regina was was wrong after seeing her cry, Regina made Snow promise not to tell anyone. Seeing the little girl promise her, Regina, (who was nice at the time), trusted the girl and told her about Daniel and how they planned to elope, getting married and live their happy ever after far far away.



In true fairytaleness we all know this is not how it went down. Snow was tricked by Cora into telling her why her daughter was upset about her wedding to the king and snow tells her. Cora was not happy so she finds Daniel,  but she didn't JUST find Daniel, she found her daughter, Regina as well.  With the Magic Cora possessed she trapped Regina whilst she killed Daniel, poor Regina saw the love of her life die at the hands of her mother.




Regina, since then had a thing out for Snow, but she didn't let it show because she was good, it wasn't until she took the magic from Rumpelstiltskin  and pushed her mother into the looking glass. All Regina wanted was true love, she had it and her mother took it away from her because a child couldn't keep a secret! Still not convinced  Think of it this way: You're madly in love with a guy (or girl), but your mother or father wants you to marry someone else, someone you knew you could never love, you try to elope with the person you love only to have said family member come and kill him because you entrusted a child, someone you thought was close to you, who looked up to you. You'd be pissed ... ok you wouldn't want the child dead because again ... this is real life but you would not be nice would you?



Ok this is here because I can't remember the film. It's a remake of a remake of a remake, only it's the 2003 one. This bit has more to do with my friends who watched Criminal Minds with me! They felt sorry for the bad guy, because although he was going around killing people, all he wanted was a face, he took someone else's straight off of them, but he just wanted his own! Poor thing.

House of Wax - Yes I saw this! The bad guy was half man half wax because he had crappy parents and he just didn't want to feel alone! That all I have on this film because I can't really remember it. (I was too busy hiding my face! I hate horror films.)


So do me a favour. Next time you watch a show with a male or female going around killing people, please just have their background in mind, the way they lived, how they were brought up, what they saw. It's not always the hero's that have it rough!        

Sunday 13 January 2013

The FBI Files





So with this post I've decided to do something a little different, I'm not reviewing a film today ... -Que sad disappointed noises- ... I know I know, but instead I am going to let you in on a secret ... -Que happy noises- ... Now as most of you know, or should now, I love to write. Alot. I get a storyline in my head and I write it down, sometimes the stories are short and sweet but sometimes they just go on and on and on.

So today I have decided to let you in on my story I'm working on at the moment called 'The FBI Files', It's loosely based on Criminal Minds TV show, but I've gone my own way with it, I'm creating new characters and a whole new BAU office in New York, I promise it works.

I have 7 chapters on this already but I'm only going to be posting the first one. The story focuses on Charlotte Kelly Louise Phillips, a woman from Dallas and Mathew James Bennett, a man from Boston who's carrying ALOT of baggage. Chapters one and two explain their upbringing so you get an idea of the two.

When writing this, I did have two people in mind for these people, I pictured Charlotte as Busy Philipps and Mathew as Robert Downey Jr.  In the first chapter, Mathew is not brought into this but I do plan on allowing you amazing readers into the world of Mathew Bennett as he does have a interesting story.

One more thing before I stop writing in introduction, you can see on the front cover it says 'The beginning', I have many stories to be told via these two and I'm highly doubtful it will make one book, so lets see how it unfolds.

Please Enjoy and any thoughts and feedback would be amazing. Contact me here.






We finally made it, we made it through everything life has thrown at us; The good and the bad. For two people who didn’t know each other to have so much bad luck in our pasts, it was only right we found each other and something like this happened to us. Life threw all it could in our direction and we handled it with grace, well, most of the time. 
As I sit here now writing this, I reflect on everything that has happened from the start of our life's till now.
It wont be easy but I have to let you both know, I have to explain to you both what we grew up with and how we lived our life's. I want you to know that we love both of you and we did this for both of you.
Look after each other and make us proud, keep each other safe through what ever life throws at you.
Never let anything bring you down and always face the day with a smile on those gorgeous faces of yours.

Mommy and Daddy
You are forever loved
xxx




One
Charlotte Kelly Louise Phillips

I was born in Dallas, Texas, to Joshua and Kelly Phillips, my mother died during child birth so I never meet her, I heard she was an amazing women, worked two jobs right up to her due date because she had refused to let any man take care of her even though my father had just landed himself an important job in one of the biggest banks in Dallas, they were both fresh out of college, my mother was still very young. When my mother passed away it was up to my father to raise me. He did a great job and I loved him for that.
When I was five, my father landed an even bigger job within the company, he was an incredibly smart man and within five years of working for the bank he was appointed CFO, we suddenly had all this money come in and I found my self with a bigger choice of clothes and toys, I was a happy child. We had moved house a year later and he brought a Ranch in the middle of no where; ok, so that was a lie, it was only a 15 minute ride from town. We had acres and acres of land and he had brought me a horse, I named her lucky.
When we moved in I remember people arriving, knocking on our door, giving my father cakes and home cooked meals, obviously being as young as I was I had no idea what was going on until he told me they were here to welcome us to the neighborhood, even if my closest next door neighbor was a 5 minute walk away. I’m glad they come though, I remember meeting this girl, Josie her name was, she was my age and although I didn’t know it yet, she would also turn out to be one of my best friends.
While the grownups spoke and ... well I was never really sure what else they did that night, but I remember a lot of the women hitting on my father, I remember seeing the way they acted around him, their body language had changed, their facial expressions, I remember mentioning this to Josie, but she just wanted to play Barbie dolls, so, ignoring these women, I took Josie up to my room where we just played for a very long time. Thinking about it now, I’m surprised at how much time Barbies used to take up of my life, but I digress.
Life growing up on our Ranch was so fun, I had Josie, I had Lucky, I had my toys, I even had a Spanish nanny looking after me, she would teach me new things every day and she taught me how to speak Spanish; The only thing missing was my father, he got more and more snowed under with work, and I missed him, I remember being taken twice a week to his office in the city when my Nanny, Silvia, couldn’t stay the night, she was taking an English night class,  but even then, I still didn’t really get to see him, I sat on the sofa in his office, did my homework, watched a bit of T.v, got taken for something to eat by his secretary, and then I’d fall asleep only to be carried to his car by him, taken home and put into bed, I wouldn’t see him the next morning, even most weekends he had to work, he did a lot of over time, so when he was home on the weekends we would make the most of it and he would take me where ever I wanted, which, to be honest wasn’t very far, we would take lucky and he would take me horse riding and we’d just talk, it was nice.
As I got older I saw less and less of him. I entered high school with Josie and we tried out for cheerleading, we wanted to be someone in high school, looking back on it now though, it seemed stupid. I got in straight away because everyone knew my father, I don’t know how but they did and they knew I had money which I guess, on that part I should have just gone and said no thank you, that was shallow, but I couldn’t. I was so happy when Josie got on the team as well.
I remember the first day of high school well, it was an amazing time, not only had I got on the cheer squad and made a group of new friends, I had Josie with me and my father had promised to be home when I got home so I could tell him all about my first day, I was 14 years old and I was excited. I got off the school bus and said goodbye to Josie, I don’t think I ever ran so fast up the path to our house. I opened the door and called out for him, but he didn’t answer, I remember growing concerned, he had to be here, he promised, I called out again, and once again nothing. Finally I found him in the kitchen, he was sitting on the table, not doing anything, just sitting there, staring at the back door.
“Dad?...Dad?” I called out, there was no response, I placed my hand on his shoulder and he jumped out of his skin, I asked him if he was ok, it took him a while to respond but in the end he took a deep breath and put a smile on his face, he nodded, “Of course I am princess” he gave me a hug and asked me how my first day of school was, I told him everything and he seemed genuinely happy for me.

Thats when it started going bad. Ever since that day I found him just sitting there, staring at nothing, I would come home from school and obviously not expect him to be there, but I would ring his office, his secretary Helen would answer the phone, and she’d say the same thing, “he’s just sitting there, not looking like he’s enjoying what he’s doing”, not like before when he was happy to go to work, he loved being a CFO and he would brag to anyone who asked him what he did. My concern and worry grew for him.
My nanny didn’t have to look after me any more, I was old enough to look after myself, I was after all, in high school, but just because she didn’t look after me anymore didn’t mean I didn’t stay in contact with her,  her English was getting better, and as I needed to learn Spanish a bit more we spoke using both the English and Spanish language. When I was 15, I rang the women up, I had asked her to come back, to help me, dad was still in a weird state and I didn’t know what to do, I hardly saw him any more, the only reason I knew he had come home that night was because I had gone into his room, his bed had been obviously slept in. The house was lonely and having Silvia back was a blessing, I missed having some kind of parental figure in my life and as I hardly saw my father anymore, Silvia grew more and more into somewhat of a mother figure. I had seemed to lose a father but I had been given a mother.
My small happiness was not to last for long though, a year later Silvia collapsed, I had rang for an ambulance and they came immediately, Silvia did not make it, she had died, cause of death was a heart attack and my heart broke, I burst into tears, life had taken away my birth mother, made my father spend less and less time with me, and now taken away a women who had helped raise me from a young age. I was alone, my father was spending less time at home, there would be days before he came home, I would still check his bed every morning, hoping, praying that he had come home, the longest he had gone was two weeks. I was completely alone apart from Josie who would come over every now and then from school, her mother kept trying to make me come home with her, to stay at their house, but I declined, I wanted to be at home incase he showed up. When he did finally show, he looked different, I can’t explain it, but he looked worn, tired and like he had gained 20 years on him, I asked him where he had been, he just hugged me and told me he loved me before heading to his room, he closed the door and I didn’t see him again for another two days. When he did finally emerge from his room, he would just hug me and disappear again. I was eating breakfast and getting ready for school when he had done this, I followed him out of the door calling out to him chasing his car down the drive way but I was too slow, I knew that even if I had ran inside, picked up the keys to the truck outside and drove after him, there would be no way in hell I would be able to catch up with him, I just walked back inside, picked up my book bag and drove to school, picking up Josie on the way there.
“He’s gone again” I said to her, she sighed and rolled her eyes, “Char, I really think you need to do something about this, call the police, or ... well just anything.”
I knew she was right, but I couldn’t get the police involved, could I? I had no idea what was going on, Helen had no idea where he was either, he wasn’t at work, someone else had been appointed temporarily until he came back but the way he was going, it didn’t look like he was going to be coming back ... to me or to her. I sighed, not answering Josie, just thinking.

It was my 17th birthday, my father had been gone for a month this time, I hadn’t seen him but I still didn’t get anyone involved, thinking about it now, that was properly my biggest mistake, I was just willing to take everything on by myself. I had left home that morning and gone to Josie’s house, her family threw a party for me with our friends from school, just like Silvia had thrown me when I was 16. 
The party was a successes, her parents even let us drink, we felt like such grownups, it was only alcopops but that didn’t matter to us, as cheerleaders went, we were pretty .... Well we were very tammed. 
That night I had stayed at Josie’s house, there was just no point going home really, the party went on till the early hours of the morning, and every one just slept were they landed, I however, made a point to grab a bed.
I woke up in the afternoon to Josie waving coffee under my nose, I said thank you and took a sip but I noticed the time, 2pm, “damn it!” I said as I shot out of bed slipping my shoes on, I had to get home, I had to see if dad was there, he had to be, Josie said she would come with me, that she didn’t think I should be alone, I couldn’t have loved her any more then at that moment.
When I walked through my door, the house was quiet, Josie and I called out to him, she went a different way while I checked the bedroom, he hadn’t been here, I almost jumped out of my skin from what came next, Josie shouting my name at the top of her lungs, I ran to her and saw her standing by the kitchen Island, “what is it?” I asked her almost out of breath, It was quite a long way to the kitchen from the bedroom. Josie stood there pointing at what looked like a letter, as I walked forward I noticed that that is exactly what it was, a letter, with my name on it in dads writing, I looked to Josie before I cautiously picked it up and opened it, reading what was inside.

Dear Princess
I know what I have been doing has been killing you inside and I am sorry, I’m sorry for everything you’ve had to face in your 17 years alive on this planet, even if the first 14 years of your life were good. 
I’m sorry the world took away your mother, I’m sorry the world took away Silvia and I am sorry for not being there watching you grow up into the amazing women you are now.
I want you to know that this was not my plan, my plan was to work, to give you the world, but plans change and so do people.
You need to know that I will never stop loving you but I can’t stay any more, I need to go, I feel that now is the best time for me to leave you alone, you are strong Charlotte, never forget that!
Daddy
xxxxxxx

I read the letter repeatedly, feeling faint, sick with every time I reread it, ‘plans change, so do people,' ‘I can’t stay anymore, I need to go’ what did he mean? I didn’t understand. 
After what felt like a very long time, Josie took the letter from me, she could see me getting increasingly upset with every minute I held onto it, she read it herself, I don’t remember much but I remember her hand going over her mouth as she gasped, what happened next felt like a blur. From what I remember her telling me she had taken me to my room, I just sat on my bed while she packed clothes in a bag for me. I stayed with her and her family till I was 18 and graduated high school, I didn’t set foot back into that house, Josie would go every day to feed and water Lucky, and to bring me over more and more clothes each time along with things I needed, I could not face going back.
School wasn’t any better, I was out of it, it was like I was just going through the motions although somehow I still managed to keep my grades at an all time high, so high in fact, that I was chosen as valedictorian, I choose not to speak and stepped down, the next person with the highest grades spoke.
I went straight back to Josie’s after graduation and started packing my bags, I heard Josie pulling up into the drive way and I heard her foot steps coming up the stairs, I was still packing my bags when she burst through the door.
“What are you doing?” She asked me as she sat on her bed next to my bags.
“I have to go, Josie I have to go and find him I can’t just sit here and do nothing any more!” I threw the last piece of clothing into my bag and picked up a couple, asking Josie to bring the remaining 3 bags to my truck, she did.
“Charlotte, do you really think this is the best idea? What if you find him and you don’t get an answer? You don’t get what you want? Or what if you just never find him and ..”  I interrupted her as I threw my bags into the truck, “I know what your telling me is true Josie, but I have to do this, I can’t go through life asking the question what if.”
“Well, where are you gonna get money?”
“Josie, please, I have money, you know I do.” I did have money, I had had money since dad started working as a CFO, he had set up an account for me and hid my card from me, god knows when he was meant to give it to me, but I had found it when I was 16, good job I did because with my father going for weeks on end, it was up to me to start paying the bills.
Josie’s parents had arrived just as I was getting into my truck, they asked me where I was going and I explained to them, it was clear that they didn’t want me to go, but at the same time I knew they understood, I started to cry as I said goodbye to them and thanked them for everything they had done for me, saying goodbye to Josie was the hardest.
“Promise me you’ll call everyday.”
I promised her, and I kept that promise. I rang her every day, no matter how upset or tired I was, even when she started college we still spoke to each other every day.